Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Praise the Lord and Pass the Astroglide: Haggard Finds His Moral Center

(Church officials wish him luck in the secular world and offer to help him pack, isn't that nice?)

Betty Bowers would be proud! The fundies of CoSprings have gotten together and asked one another WWJD (Why Wouldn't Jesus Damn?) and urged Pastor Ted Haggard to pursue a secular career, going further to suggest that the family relocate. Rev. Mike Ware said "It's hard to heal in Colorado Springs right now. It's like an open wound. He needs to get somewhere he can get the wound healed." (LTS thinks this sounds like a thinly veilled threat.)

Haggard and his family plan to relocate to a midwestern state.

In more upbeat news, Haggard says he is cured of his homosexuality and meth cravings.

Way to go Ted!


  1. I wonder what they did to "cure" him. Maybe rip out his chest hair like the Snickers' commercial?

  2. And God makes his wife into virgin again, night after night.
    lade dade dade da

    Look there's the Easter Bunny!!!