CNN Sucks

Breaking news! I get these alerts of breaking news from CNN in my email, because I am a hopeless news junkie. This is the garbage I have gotten this week...

BREAKING NEWS!
-- The local prosecutor who charged three Duke lacrosse players with raping a stripper apologizes to the athletes, The Associated Press reports.
(WOW!)

BREAKING NEWS!
-- An explosion has occurred in the cafeteria of Iraq's parliament building where members of parliament were having lunch and there are casualities, according to Iraqi state television.
(OK, that is real news...thanks for the information).

BREAKING NEWS!
-- Kurt Vonnegut, whose novels included "Slaughterhouse Five" and "Cat's Cradle," has died at 84, his wife tells The Associated Press.
(Sad, true, but at 84...hardly shocking, or breaking.)

BREAKING NEWS!
-- MSNBC is canceling its simulcast of Don Imus' radio show after he made racially charged remarks about Rutgers women's basketball team.
(Who really needs to know this???)

BREAKING NEWS!
-- David Evans, one of the three men exonerated today when the final charges in the Duke lacrosse sex case were dropped, said they went "to hell and back" and he hoped changes to the legal system would be made as a result of their case.
(Shocking!)

BREAKING NEWS!
-- Defense Secretary Robert Gates extends Army unit tours of duty to up to 15 months and says they will be given 12 months at home after a tour ends.
(Oh my goodness, some actual NEWS sneaked through the system!)

BREAKING NEWS!
-- North Carolina Attorney General Roy Cooper drops all sexual assault and kidnap charges against three men stemming from a Duke lacrosse team party.
(Ah nice, local news. I don't live in NC though!)

BREAKING NEWS!
-- Larry Birkhead is the father of Anna Nicole Smith's baby, a court in the Bahamas rules. Birkhead said he hopes to have custody soon.
(All those sleepless nights I have spent worrying about this are over!)

BREAKING NEWS!
-- Controversial radio host Don Imus will be suspended for two weeks starting Monday April 16, NBC reports.
(Again, friggin wow.)

Does anyone care about the fact that the network news media has been almost singularly focused on Imus this week?

It seems to me there is plenty of real news going on without me needing alerts about Anna Nicole's baby or the Duke Lacrosse team.